Monday, September 28, 2009

Falling Short

 Disclaimer: This posting is somewhat of a divergence from the general thoughts I like to share on this blog. Really this is my place to enjoy all the wonders of my lovely little family but it this is just not quite one of those posts.

So, it is Monday night and it is one of those Mondays where you don't feel the weekend went particularly well. You enter Monday still tired from last week and you have an entirely new week to get through.

This weekend I had one emotional meltdown, missed a party that I wanted to attend by arriving after it was essentially over, and spent the rest of my time either washing a week's worth of dishes or a month's worth of laundry. Every time I tried to go to bed at a reasonable hour to start chipping away at the hours of sleep deprivation something got in my way leaving me yet again wondering, "Can it really be that late?"

By Sunday night I realized for the umpteenth time that I am trying to do many things right now and so it feels like I am not doing any of them particularly well. This is aided by the fact that Jason is in the same boat. It is never easy when both of us are stretched a bit thin.

So, to try to resurrect this post and remind myself of the good in my little world - we are here again on Monday. I had a day. I won't talk about majority of the day but instead tell you about the evening. With a butternut squash in the oven for H's next gastronomic adventure, Hendrick and I went on a walk. I was still trying to unwind from the day and Hendrick was tired and enjoying having to do nothing in particular with his body except lay there wrapped up in his baby carrier. As I kept being preoccupied by all of the things I thought I should be taking care of Hendrick kept leaning his head all the way back in his carrier to see the leaves overhead. He would just sway backwards totally relaxed and watch the sunlight playing in the trees. God it was beautiful. I couldn't help but just watch him and enjoy his discovery of the sunlight in the leaves. There is nothing quite like that feeling, when I just get to watch him process.

After that, we came home, pureed the squash, ate dinner, and then H had nightcap of milk and passed out in his dad's arms while listening to his lullaby. Now, I am going to back to wash more dishes and in a few hours say yet again, "Can it really be that late?"


  1. hang in there, friend! you are doing an awesome job where it matters the MOST, with that little guy that we all love so much.

    and, if i may offer advice, those special moments will always be there to spur us along with the laundry and the dishes as long as we slow ourselves down enough to realize they are happening(at least i can guarantee that up to age seven).

    see you tomorrow! where miraculously, monday will have passed us by...

  2. i hope you get to have another moment with hendrick like that today! i know that you are unbelievably busy right now and doing more in one day than i could imagine doing in a week but for what it's worth hendrick is a beautiful baby and is truly a testament to you and jason and you are the best sister in the world, so you are certainly doing something right! love you.

  3. My heart goes out to all of you and pray God will get you all thru this worn-out time in your lives. I love all of you and hope you can find comfort in that. Love You Much!!! Grandma Schlude

  4. You and J are doing a kazillion things these days, the most important of which is raising a beautiful family; in that you're doing an awesome job! I hope you get more rewarding moments like this one with Hen; they must make palpable what you know is true all the time: that he is life and he is PERFECT. Big hugs — xoxoxo

  5. Thank you guys for all of your supportive comments! It is really nice to hear from all of you.